Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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