mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
