If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
