I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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