i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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