I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
