i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
