Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize