If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
