I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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