I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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