her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
