Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
