Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
