eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
