i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
