i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
