then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
