i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
