I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
