I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
