That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize