Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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