Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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