i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
