I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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