I think I died a long time ago.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
