just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
