he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
