my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up under a house in Key West
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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