So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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