I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
