Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
