i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
