so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
