The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
