well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
