I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
