oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
