I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
