I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize