Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
