I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
two words: eviction party
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
