didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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