I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
