he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
