I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize