the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
