Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
