it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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