my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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