morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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