Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize