We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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