I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
