"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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