mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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