the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
