He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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