I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize