I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I believe in your delicious
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need water and some morals
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
