i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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