I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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