Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
